AS THE POLAROIDS FADE

Flying, Superpowers, Conquering the world, Taming dragon, or just a simple dream like being happy, falling in love, having a family or making a career.

Dreams are important to have in life. a life filled with doubt and people who will tell you that you will never make it. Dreams are what give us hope in life, something to strive for. What happens when these dreams fade away and start giving way to nightmares. As I have went through this mortal existence I have always had big dreams for myself. From a young age my dream was to always be a singer. I wanted to write lyrics and make songs to inspire and give hope to a weary world. I wanted my voice and music to give hope to others. I wanted to use talents to make a better and brighter world. Another dream I have always had was to fall in love, have a family to travel with and share my life with. 

These dreams, however, have long since began to fade like Polaroid photos that have since been forgotten in an old photo album. This album used to be shared with everyone who wanted to look, but has since been looked at so many times by the same people and rarely anyone new comes along. 

My dreams used to make me happy. I had a hope of a bright and happy future, I had plans. Those plans have not seemed to work out. I am trying to trust in Gods timing. I am trying to hold onto the hope that he will bring me love and happiness. I am trying my hardest to follow his commandments. I have done what I can. I am starting to struggle. My life has become a life of undeveloped film. This film is filled with pictures that have never seen the light to become clear and full of life. Rolls of film of hopes and dreams scattered around the floor. Memories and moments never being exposed to the light, never coming into view. 

I am slowly giving up on the dreams I have in my heart. My hope is fading. The older I get I am finding that life has been getting more and more confusing, like film that has been double exposed blurring the images into something distinguishable. I am losing those things that were once my hope, my light, and my happiness. I have been finding it hard to hold onto the biggest thing that has brought me hope and happiness which is my testimony. I feel its slipping away slowly being pulled out of  my mind and heart. Like a old photograph being removed from an album and tossed into a dark drawer where it will be locked away out of view. 

I always thought that by now I would be married and have accomplished more than I have. I am fighting with every ounce of energy I have to stay in focus.