Butterfly Fly

Butterfly Fly

I sit and ponder and meditate about how my life has developed. 

I wonder how life would have been if things were different. 

If  I looked different.

My mind wanders through the past and into ideas of what if!

I think about when things started to go the way they did, My mind drifts in the wind to fifth grade, it is here that i can remember that being called a blimp.... fatty.... cow... I knew i was always bigger than the others that I attended school with.... but In my mind I was just like them and I did not care.

As the years went on the name calling became more and more prevalent in my world.

Food became a comfort to me.

Now I am an adult 

I am a grown woman in a world that still hates how I look

I try so hard to break this addiction I have to food, the one thing that has been there for me to give me comfort in times of sadness and sorrow. 

My mind becomes a cocoon and hides away from the world.
I want to transform myself like the Caterpillar waiting to become something more beautiful
I feel like a Caterpillar who has lost its way.
who has tried so hard to become a beautiful butterfly but has not accomplished anything
I try to build this cocoon to transform myself but keep failing
Everything seems to just fall apart.
the fibers that once held together begin to unravel in the winds of life.
Each harsh word thrown at me is like a gust of wind blowing away pieces of my heard like the fibers of the cocoon I was attempting to build to change myself.
My heart tells me to give up because it cant take anymore, I keep fighting and keep building. someday maybe I will accomplish the goals I have set out to build for myself.
Just keep building and getting back up when the gusts of wind knock you down.
Keeping working towards the goals even if you get knocked of track get back up and keep on going!